Emmure - Slave to the Game (2012)
Unlike most humans (mainly Republicans), I like to have fun on occasion, I really do. I like to go geocaching so I can find a meaningless empty pill bottle shoved up the ass of a decaying deer's corpse and ecstatically report back to the app "I FOUND IT!!" as I'm flicking the worms off of it, afraid that if I eat one, it'll fuck with the whole "don't tamper with the geocache/the location you found it in" thing. Now, if I went geocaching every day, it'd probably cease to be fun, and I'd probably wish I was that decaying deer's corpse. What I'm getting at is that I think Emmure is all fun and games as long as you turn your head off and don't think too deeply about vocalist Frankie Palmeri's fantasies of watching someone suck a dick, but it's really apparent by this album that these guys don't have much to offer. Guitar chugga chuggas with higher-pitched guitar weedly-deedly fuckery in the background, decent vocals, the occasionally catchy tune, etc, but it feels stale by this point, because there's really nothing on here that they haven't done before, it's just now presented with KOOKY MARVEL REFERENCES for track titles. Okay, maybe they didn't have a song as awful as "Cross Over Attack" before, I'll give you that, but the rest? No fucking dice, you filthy charlatan.
6/10
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