All Time Low - Don't Panic (2012)
Alright, so rant incoming, skip this wall of text if you wanna go right into the review: I think it's funny how pop-punk bands like All Time Low, blink-182, etc, will joke around about sex, say "fuck" a lot to seem "edgy" for a pop-punk band (it's especially cringeworthy when it comes to All Time Low) but you'll never hear one say "cunt" in act of true punk "let's piss off your mom" defiance and I don't understand why: You don't have to direct it at anyone, but saying "fuck" is so played out by now that I can't even go one review without saying it. If you really want to give off the image that you're bad boys, complain about the cunts at corporate or something. If you'll notice through my reviews, I don't even use that word that much because I really want to try to conserve its power as a secret weapon, but really, I'm not in a pop-punk band trying to wow over teenagers with "we have catchy songs AND swear!!" but rather, I'm standing on the corner with a sign saying "I have sorta-funny music reviews AND swear!! FUCK!!" waiting to hit them with the dreaded C-word to boost my nonexistent sales or nonexistent merchandise. Point is: If you're really wanting to shake this feeling that I'm getting that your image is entirely created by the record label wanting to make another blink-182 or Green Day-esque media personality, drop the word. Drop it just once. I'm waiting.
These guys ended up remembering that they have electric guitars and busted them shits out for this release, but if you're expecting anything even remotely related to the grittier edge of pop-punk that you grew up listening to via your brother's old cassettes and CDs, you're shit outta fuckin' luck, man. The closest that the band comes to sounding like an actual traditional pop-punk band is in bits of "So Long Soldier" and "So Long, And Thanks For All the Booze" and I could get behind "songs starting with "So Long" have the punkity punk" but you kinda get the feeling that they were really starting to jam out on something over 120bpm and then someone had to wonder "..Fuck, what if the kids start a mosh pit over this?! What do we do then?!" and immediately had to dial that shit back for the rest of the album out of fear that someone might step on someone's shoe while walking moderately-aggressively in the pit. Wouldn't want anyone to get scared when their Vans get ruffled, yeah? Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying those kids are sissies, I'm saying that the band obviously does. There's a huge difference, you big ol' ninny. Can you imagine if the band kept that same level of energy with the catchiness? I'm not saying it'd be great, but you can tell these guys have some actual punk influences that very rarely get the chance to show.
Okay, hear me out: I think "Backseat Serenade" might just be the best fucking song these guys have ever put out because it's so catchy, has a guitar riff (sucks that I have to note that), it's well put-together, has Cassadee Pope on backing vocals, and it sounds great. When I looked on Wikipedia to discover it didn't have its own page, but that the inferior "Somewhere in Neverland" did, I was pretty fuckin' surprised. Even if I didn't think it was their best song, I still think it's the absolute best song they've put out since they've really embraced the poppier side of their music. As for the rest of the album, it feels more like a throwback to "Nothing Personal" than "Dirty Work" (thank God) even though it seems to take influence from how straight-to-radio the latter album was. There really isn't a single song on here that you couldn't imagine hearing on the radio while commuting with your mom to get her prescriptions at CVS, and that's all fine and dandy, but they're still not -great- songs, they're good but they're kinda here one second and then just gone. If anyone's listening to this album (or really, any All Time Low album post-2009) in ten years, I'm gonna be pretty surprised, but hey, whatever, it's kinda fun while it lasts.
7/10
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Feel free to check out the song previews/buy this album using my Amazon Associate link!
