Emmure - Eternal Enemies (2014)

I really like how this band was smart enough to put the only member that anyone gives a fuck about on the front cover, looking straight at the camera almost like how they make all cereal mascots have their eyes pointed downwards to meet children's eyes in an attempt to try to get them to bother the fuck out of their parents enough to buy a box, but in this case, it's more like they were trying to establish eye-contact between Frankie Palmeri and whoever passes by this CD at Hot Topic. Is Hot Topic still a place where the teenagers go? Am I seriously old enough to ask where "the teenagers" go? Fuck. They still like that dubstep stuff, yeah?! Right?!

Wow! Even though the last album was produced by Joey Sturgis as well, this one seems to bang much harder in the whip than the last one, and generally has better songs in general because they're really trying to do that whole "I FUKKED UR GF SHE ATE MY ASS" nu-metal shit, but the riffs end up sounding much more groovy because of it. It's especially apparent in the opening track, which is untitle- No, scratch that, named "Bring a Gun to School" when the production and riffs just EXPLODE out of your headphones and sound MASSIVE. Good shit!! Alright, let's sidestep for a second.. When you have an audience of teenagers, you have to realize that teenagers are REALLY fucking impressionable, much more than they'd be willing to admit, and you can't say fucked up, realistic sounding shit like the lyrics of that song -and- praise it, hiding behind the excuse of "well, Cannibal Corpse does it and everyone acknowledges that's just fun and games" when Cannibal Corpse is talking about disemboweling motherfuckers ala horror movies, not shit that happens at an alarming rate because the fucking deadliest weapon in the entire world is an angsty bullied teenager who gets bullshit ideas from their "heroes". Ah well, this album is heavy enough to make your deathcore friend go "Wowzers bajowzers, daddy-o!!" and nu-metal enough to make your older brother say "People still listen to this kind of stuff? Wow." so that's enough to make me grab a - Wait a second, I'm not fucking done, actually.

"Free Publicity" is about WHAT?! It's about fucking beating the shit out of an internet blogger! Well, to be specific, a METAL internet blogger, and not in a general sense of "Man, these kids online are fucking retarded" but targeting one dude at Metal Injection in particular for saying in an internet podcast that he's not particularly intimidated by vocalist Frankie Palmeri! Man, Frankie loves to say shit like "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK" and various shit like that, but he gives a HUGE FUCKING SHIT to make an entire song about a dude who writes for Metal Injection! That's fucking crazy and incredibly lame. I mean, I never took any of Frankie's lyrics to be particularly genuine, like I was really convinced that I was listening to a dude who could beat my ass and fuck my bitch, but come on, man.. That's fucking pathetic. Oh well, I guess it's like dad always told me: "..." Get it?! Because my dad doesn't like talking to me! You thought it was going to be a joke about how my dad wasn't there! Well, JOKE'S ON YOU, motherfucker, I still have ALL of the angst needed to vibe to this music. Now, as I was saying earlier before I interrupted myself.. Something about grabbing a Monster and going into the pit, I don't know, I think I said that before. Ah well, I think Emmure might've used some of these riffs before so we're all good.

7/10
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Feel free to check out the song previews/buy this album using my Amazon Associate link!