Devin Townsend - Physicist (2000)

The only time I've ever received a physical was when I was 19. I felt really awkward and insecure especially since it was a woman giving me a physical, and even though I wasn't attracted to her at all, I was afraid of getting an erection just because it was the first time that a woman had ever touched my penis, and I made some joke around the line of "aren't you going to buy me dinner first?" and she laughed, which I then told my friends "I took off my pants and she laughed", but years later I realized that she probably heard that joke every single fucking day working that job. The moral of the story is that there are everyday heroes among us who go unnoticed and I've included her in my will.

Legend has it that Devin Townsend originally was going to work on these songs for a side-project with Metallica's then-bassist Jason Newsted until James Hetfield heard about it and got pissed as all hell. What's crazy about it is that Jason Newsted ended up not doing anymore with Devin Townsend because of it, but still quit Metallica a few years later for a side-project called Echobrain that never successfully took off and made him lose a lot of money because he is a dumb fuck. Okay, Jason Newsted is easily the coolest motherfucker in Metallica's history outside of the late Cliff Burton (R.I.P.) but still. I imagine this made Devin Townsend quickly panic, as he assembled the lovable lasses from Strapping Young Lad to help make this album, which essentially makes it the best Strapping Young Lad album that Strapping Young Lad never made except they actually did but sorta not really. Look, we can argue all of the finer details until the cows come home or you can trust me in saying that this album has some really fuckin' good shit on it and that you're stupid if you avoided it just because of the notoriety that it's gotten in Devin Townsend's discography as being one of his weaker releases.

The songs are fierce, the sound is unusually muddy for a Devin Townsend release, and it's probably the heaviest solo recording he's ever put out, sounding typically like Strapping Young Lad with the theatrics and synths of "Ocean Machine: Biomech" to add a bit of a quirky edge to the heaviness, making so a lot of the heavier moments on the album have a sort of happiness, which is weird to say given that it's essentially a Strapping Young Lad album, but the album definitely does smile at you on occasion, like the quirky little sounds in "Irish Maiden", or general catchiness like in "Material", and let it be known: The first four songs on this album, and then the epic "Planet Rain" are fucking AWESOME. I mean, have you even HEARD "Kingdom"?! No wonder he later re-recorded it for "Epicloud" because this song is fucking AMAZING!! The problem is, if you put those five songs together, you have an excellent little EP that, despite the sometimes lackluster production, would serve a great purpose in Devin Townsend's discography. The problem is, outside of those songs, the rest of the songs are generally just good (outside of "Death", which, sure, is heavy as a motherfucker but grating on the ears) and nothing more, serving as passable.. I wouldn't say "filler" but "packing" for the other songs, but it's definitely evident that they're just not at all on the same level as those five songs. You'd be a sucker to miss out on this album for those five songs, which makes up of almost 30 minutes of great material, but the rest you can probably do without. Is that a wasp on my window? Oh fuck I hope it doesn't get in my room. I don't know whether to smack the window or not. Call 911 IMMEDIATELY.

7/10
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