Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP 2 (2013)
When this dropped in 2013, I was at a Job Corps facility and fucking hated my life (some things never change) but I can tell you somethin': I was excited as fuck for this album. The original MMLP is one of my favorite albums of all time, and I consider it pretty much perfect for what it is, so when it was announced that Eminem was dying his hair blonde again and revisiting the whole "I'M A FUCKIN' PSYCHO" nature of the original album, I was shaking with excitement! Then I got the album and fucking LOVED it. I mean, how could I not?! The "License to Ill" throwback of "Berzerk", the lyrical gymnastics of "Rap God", and hell, the fact that "Bad Guy" was a sequel to "Stan" blew my mind! Hell, if we wanna go the extra mile, "Legacy (feat. Polina)" really helped me out with some internal struggles that I was going through. I was the type of guy that was online going "OHHHH FUCK HE DID IT AGAIN. EM THE GOAT" on KTT while everyone was freaking the FUCK out about all of the lyrical throwbacks on this album. "Oh shit, he said THIS!! He said that on the first album!!" we'd all proclaim upon hearing Eminem make references to older songs, but little did we know that it was a huge reason why we all liked the album so much when it dropped.
Occasionally, my friends and I like to post something on Facebook with the text of "WHO REMEMBER", typically shit from years ago, be it an old meme that was quickly forgotten, an old song, or whatever else, you get the idea. Now, if you took the concept of our "WHO REMEMBER" posts and put them to music, you get "The Marshall Mathers LP 2". A huge portion of pretty much all of these songs consists of referencing old fucked up shit he said, like the Columbine references, or even jokes about Monica Lewinsky that'll make you go "OOOH I CAUGHT IT" at first, but once you get used to catching references to old shit, you realize that this album was made in 2013 and he was -still- rapping about Columbine, Monica Lewinsky, and whatever other shit that was only relevant almost fifteen years before this album was released, like a relative that still says "LIKE A BOSS" or "PWNED" on Facebook. If we wanna go the extra mile with this, I can honestly say that I think Eminem would probably share Minion memes to Facebook talking about how crazy he is when he doesn't have his coffee. That is exactly the type of guy he comes across as when he's rapping about shit your older brother remembered as being so fucking edgy when the original album came out in 2000.
You know what else the original album had? Beats. The beats on this album pretty much all sound like Eminem had the ability to sort through literally thousands of beats and chose to actively seek out the worst ones. You know, the poppy ones with no real bass or power in general behind them, which is why you get shitty beats like "Asshole (feat. Skylar Grey)" and "The Monster (feat. Rihanna)" on here, or the "Won't Back Down (feat. Pink)" remake "Survival (feat. Liz Rodriguez)" ("I must be allergic to failure, 'cause every time I come close to it, I just sneeze, I go AT YOU (atchoo) and A-CHIEVE!!") which brings me to my next point: Why are there so many songs on here with female popstars singing the hooks that Eminem would've made fun of in 2000? It's not even just female popstars: The most touching song on the entire album, "Headlights (feat. Nate Ruess)", a song in which Eminem forgives his mother for everything she did wrong is ruined by a fucking human accordion doing the chorus!! It's fucking TERRIBLE once that chorus kicks in!! Holy shit!! You're just having a good ol' fuckin' time of Eminem truly maturing and then BAM, Nate Ruess comes in to destroy the shit outta it!! Damn.
That's not to say that there aren't positives on this album: "So Much Better" and "Brainless" are gucci for what they are, and are the tracks that come the closest to the vibe of the original album, which pisses me off because then I think "sure, they aren't great, but why couldn't the entire album be like these?" instead of getting songs like "Rap God", which, really, by all means is just a fucking novelty song. You may say to yourself "NOOOO, HIS FLOW THO" but look deep inside yourself (and YouTube) and find that the millions of videos of 11 year olds rapping the entire song out start to finish is a sign that it's basically a song meant to appeal to people who are all "I like everything but country and rap" because some parts of society will always be stuck in 2006. Sure, it's a VERY impressive track from a lyrical and flow standpoint, but the fact that the beat sucks and there's not much to latch onto as Eminem takes us from Point A to Point B in the track really makes it like the audible equivalent of watching someone do a backflip in person: It's really impressive the first time you ever see someone do a backflip in person, because "oh FUCK" but do you think you want to keep watching the same person do a fuckin' backflip? No, you start hoping they'll fuck up and crack their head on the sidewalk, but that already happened with "Encore".
I have so many annoyances with this album, but in all actuality, it's not an awful album, it just has so many missed opportunities on it. Take for example the final track "Evil Twin" where the concept of the track is Eminem AND Slim Shady taking turns rapping at the microphone, as if to bring the character back after a long absence. It could've been an amazing ending track on the same level as "Criminal" but whenever Eminem switches between himself and Slim Shady rapping, he doesn't change his voice whatsoever. He can still do the higher nasally voice, as evident in the opening track "Bad Guy", but he doesn't. I don't know what fuckin' verses are supposed to be from Eminem and which are supposed to be by Slim Shady!! What the actual fuck? How do you come up with such a cool song concept like that and completely butcher it by.. Not doing it? What?? That's as fucking stupid as when this guy I know said that the entire album is a concept album where Eminem is in purgatory battle-rapping Slim Shady, but that's as fucking moronic as that time he booked a flight to see this girl he was e-dating from Facebook long after they broke up and completely unannounced. He just showed up to her house and begged to be taken back! What a fucking cuck!! Wait.. That sounds like Eminem trying to appeal to his former fanbase with this album!! Fuck!!
As much as I've just shat on it, the album isn't a complete pile of dog shit: Eminem can flow pretty well, much better than he did on "Recovery", his lyrics have some clever-ass shit in them, and it's generally a step in a better direction.. But shouldn't most of that just be a given? I can sit around and say "Eminem is a good rapper on this album" but isn't that just to be fucking expected? Despite a few shining moments, most of the songs leave something to be desired, and most of the bonus tracks should've replaced songs on the actual album (aside from "Desperation (feat. Jamie N Commons)" because that might as well be one of the worst songs Eminem has ever recorded), but hey, it's something, I guess. Something's more than nothing nowadays in this economy, y'know? Truly dark times we're living in, here in America: Failing economy, a government that hates us, and Eminem dropping collaborations with popstars and even country stars now. What a time to be alive, I tell you.. But also a fuckin' brilliant time to die.
6/10
________________________________________________________
Feel free to check out the song previews/buy this album using my Amazon Associate link!
