All Pigs Must Die - Nothing Violates This Nature (2013)

We need a pirate-themed metal band to amuse me for like a minute and a half before I deem it a shitty novelty band. "Argghhh matey here come the AHOY-HOY *GUITAR RIFF* SHIVER ME FUCKIN' TIMBERS *BREAKDOWN* I'LL MAKE YOU WASH THE FUCKIN' DECK"

At this point, I'm pretty certain the band is going for a distinctive "These songs would be fun for you to hear live, but NOT in your headphones!!" because the vocals are so buried in the mix that they might as well not even fucking be there! When you combine that with a bunch of songs that all sound like they'd be a blast to beat the fuck out of your stepfather to live in concert, but all sorta sound the same, sure, it's a kinda fun "let's steal my neighbor's jackhammer and give some orphans a DIY lobotomy" time, but you probably won't be itching to go back and listen to it again any time soon, especially since listening to more than ten minutes of it in one session can be a bit of an endurance test, which is weird because I've heard other crust punk bands that don't give me that same feeling. Anyhow, catch them live, cut the microphone cable in half. No one will even notice a difference, and when you hear people around you asking why there was a guy at the microphone when "I thought they were an instrumental band?!" just nod your head at them and say "Yep, he's just their mascot."

6/10
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