We Are the In Crowd - Best Intentions (2011)
I told my cousin that me stealing his hydrocodone following his back injury was done with best intentions to keep him from getting addicted.. Yeah, best intentions for my wallet! Those bitches go for like 20 dollars a pill in Houston!! DEPRESSED H-TOWN ADULTS, REPRESENT!! LOVE YOU GUYS!!
I don't care what you sons (or daughters) of bitches have to say: Despite me publishing a review of "Guaranteed to Disagree" almost a month ago, I believe they invented a time machine after reading it somehow, and came through with a stronger album! You can tell your brother to throw away his POOP-PUNK Lagwagon cassettes because THIS is the real shit to put on in the car for QT3.14's!!
Whereas the track "Never Be What You Want" was the only truly great song on previous EP "Guaranteed to Disagree", they step up their game by a full foot up the ladder to an iTunes "Guilty Pleasures" shuffle playlist by coming through with catchier songs that show two things: They have a love/hate relationship with being teenagers/young adults, and they must've had a REAL love/hate relationship with someone to inspire all of these sugar-coated passive-aggressive songs. Listen to "The Worst Thing About Me" (spoiler alert: it's YOU!) and tell me vocalist Tay Jardine doesn't have a chip on her shoulder because of some alley cat she couldn't bring herself to say "SCRAM, BOZO!!" to and snap her fingers at.
This time around, we've even got a down-tempo tune or two. "All or Nothing" isn't just the title of the song, but a difficult decision: Do I want ALL or NOTHING? Do I want acoustic guitars with gentle "I could go solo at any damn moment if the deal just surfaced" female vocals or a cute little tune with pretty melodies? Well, punch your mother in her stupid whore mouth, call her a luddite, and steal her credit card for Amazon (wow, look at that conveniently placed link down there! how'd that little bugger get there?!) because, and you can quote me on this, but you get BOTH on that song! Don't believe me? Buy FIVE copies of the album (just to be sure one of them works.. yeah.) using my Amazon Affiliate link and whip 'em at the backside of the heads of depressed nerds at Wonder Years concerts if I'm wrong, I DARE you!
Man, there's even a tune on here, "Kiss Me Again", that sounds like it could've been a pop-country smash hit if it was recorded differently. Hear that one and imagine vocalist Tay Jardine singing with one of those dime-a-dozen city-boy-turned-country-bro-for-radio singers as a duet, instead of with guitarist/vocalist Jordan Eckes. Hell, go the extra mile with your "This entire album sounds suspiciously like a female version of All Time Low!" conspiracy that you've no-doubt cooked up in your head by listening to this album, and look up the re-recorded version of the song on YouTube with All Time Low guitarist/vocalist Alex Gaskarth replacing guitarist/vocalist Jordan Eckes. Could Alex and Tay have been be an item? YOU'LL HAVE TO TUNE IN TO THE NEXT ALBUM TO FIND OUT! THE ANSWER WILL SHOCK YOU! TAY JARDINE HATES H- Shit!!
So what if the album occasionally gets a little bit too close to modern pop-punk stereotypes?! Guitarist/vocalist Jordan Eckes (Jon Jafari approved) says the word "shit" in the opening track to show he is the master of bad words, so you can take YOUR bad words about THEM and please shove them UP YOUR ASS!! Shove them up your ass along with the official A Day To Remember vibrator "A PROSTATE TO STIMULATE" while using the official Escape the Fate lube "ESCAPE THE CHAFE"!! The album's got catchy tunes all throughout it of generally a higher caliber than before, and even a good portion of their peers, and is quite consistent in its quality, but of course, there's only so much you can take of this audible sugary delight before you have to eat something else to prevent your teeth (or in this case, angst from failed relationships) from falling out.. Just like YOU did with YOUR ex! DAMN SHAME!!
Oh yeah, and there's a cover of Bruno Mars' 2010 smash hit "Grenade" on here as a bonus track! You don't see "REAL MUSICIANS" like Roy Orbison doing shit like that! You know why?! Because he's been DEAD since 1988, you dumbass!! That'd just be WEIRD!!
7/10
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Feel free to check out the song previews/buy this album using my Amazon Associate link!
