Bad Meets Evil - Hell: The Sequel (2011)
When this album came out, I hadn't listened to anything new by Eminem in years, and I had only ever heard Royce da 5'9" in the original song off of "The Slim Shady LP". I accidentally downloaded an album a juggalo made under the name Bad Meets Evil, and I sincerely thought it was what Eminem and Royce were doing now: Rapping over dark beats with heavily distorted voices about killing people. I can't find ANYTHING about that album now, I think one of the tracks was called "Shotguns to Hell", so if you know what I'm talking about, hit me up, because I made QUITE THE FUCKING FOOL of myself when talking to friends about the new Bad Meets Evil album and describing that awful Juggalo album.
When it comes to THIS album, however, there's something I have to stress heavily: Bad Meets Evil circa 1999 was Eminem and Royce da 5'9", but this, to me, is an Eminem & Royce da 5'9" album, not a Bad Meets Evil album. I know that sounds stupid as shit, and I'll explain: Context is very, very important. When Eminem and Royce were ripping up tracks back in the late 1990s and early 2000s, they were hungry, in their prime (or about to enter it, really) and didn't really need to try to stress the fact that they were fucked up individuals to get across the theme of the music. It was them rapping about fucked up shit, but it was never really like "YEAH, LOOK AT US!! WE'RE FUCKED UP!!" or like they were trying to offend the listener: They were just trying to outdo each other. On "Hell: The Sequel" this is not the case. Not at fucking all. Trust me: Some subpar beats, "anthemic" songs and multiple poppy guest vocalists take care of that.
On this album, Eminem and Royce constantly try to convince you that they're fucked up guys, typically by talking about abusing women, making fun of celebrities (common shit for Eminem) and rely on the factor of "OH YEAH, WE'RE BACK, MOTHERFUCKERS!!" while providing a shitload of BARS ON BARS ON BARS that are INCREDIBLE rhyme-wise but don't really say much of anything at fucking all, and are plagued with -awful- lyrics on occasion on BOTH sides, so you can't say that Royce bodied Eminem on this album or vice versa, because a compelling argument can be made for both rappers on who did worse based off of their worst moments, like Royce's "Then a chick wanted a hug, she was fat / So I gave her dap, then I tell her to scat" or that bullshit in "Fast Lane" where he starts rapping about unicorns and shit, but it's not like Eminem's any better, he's still got a book full of dad-jokes, the worst of which probably being "Joke, going overboard like someone threw us off the boat, choke / Cough from all the smoke, I'm tryna stay on fire / So you know if I hate fucking water sprinklers, I don't love the hose" and it's like.. These are the guys who gave us those killer tracks back in the day? Legit?
Rest assured, though: These motherfuckers can still fucking FLOW. In Eminem's case, not nearly as effortlessly as back in the day, but still fast as shit, and yeah, there are some good moments lyrically on the album, with my personal favorite being Eminem's "Grab the key up off the counter to the camper, left the crib / Man, who'da knew that 3 in the morning I'd still be up / Could barely see up over the steering wheel, crashed the whip, tore a tree up / On my way to the dealer’s, tryna re-up / Call me Brett Favre, spell it F-A-V-R-E, yup / It’s wrong, in other words I just fucked my RV up!" and it's pretty much only made possible because the only way to get Eminem to actually put his talents to the test post-2009 WITHOUT just trying to lyrically-flex is to get him on a track with a dude who could easily fucking kill him flow-wise and lyrically if Eminem slipped up: Royce is pretty much his true equal. Always has been, always will be.. But like I've been saying, they still have their faults, and ultimately, sometimes they're just clearly on a different page than one another, and that's most evident in the radio-hit "Lighters (feat. Bruno Mars)" which MIGHT I FUCKING ADD IS NOT A FUCKING BAD MEETS EVIL SONG. "Oh, but it's meaningful, and that's cool for them!" you might think, but you have to keep in mind that this shit is sandwiched in the album, between songs about excessive drug-use, violence, etc.. It doesn't fucking fit. But anyway, the point I was trying to make before I went off on a rant is that they didn't have a clear vision for that song, and it's really evident: Eminem and Royce are rapping about entirely different things in between the bullshit hook. Eminem is rapping about being completely un-fuck-withable, that he's unstoppable, on the top of the rap-game, etc, and Royce's verse consists of him verbally sucking Eminem's dick while talking about his own humble beginnings. When you contrast Eminem's angry "I'M THE FUCKING SHIT, FUCK ALL YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS" verse with Royce's "Man, Eminem, you're the best! Wow! I had a shitty life before, but I think I'm BEGINNING to have a great one :)" verse.. It's not a good song, alright?
I mentioned earlier in the review that context is very important when it comes to this album, and I'd like to bring the next thing to your attention: How seriously can you take some middle-aged rappers, one of which made basically an entire fucking album about recovering from drug-use and staying sober, rapping about being on a shitload of drugs in "I'm On Everything (feat. Mike Epps)"? At what point do you think "Actually.. You guys probably aren't"? Hell.. At what point do you completely disregard the fact that this is a long-awaited Bad Meets Evil album and just accept it for what it is? Y'know what? Let's do that now. Even if the context makes some of the songs really hard to take even moderately seriously, there's some good material on here that's worth checking out: "Fast Lane" is fucking great! Great flows, good lyrics, AWESOME hook provided by an uncredited (what the fuck? I thought Royce did the hook for the longest time) Sly "Pyper" Jordan who sounds like the late AND great Nate Dogg! This is one of the few moments on the album where I get the feeling that Eminem and Royce are on the same page and firing all cylinders, and it's genuinely just a fuckin' great track that takes everything you could ask to be in a modern Bad Meets Evil song and brings it to life.. It just doesn't really happen that much anywhere else on the album aside from "The Reunion" and "Above the Law", but be sure to check out "Loud Noises (feat. Slaughterhouse)" to hear a bunch of lyricists with nothing to prove get fucking renegaded by Joe Budden, holy shit.
6/10
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