New Found Glory - New Found Glory (2000)

Insecurity can be so sickly sweet sometimes.

"WASSAT WIT DAT NU-METAL CLOWN WHOREY?" You tease at me. "FUCK YOU LUDDITE NOW YOU DIE *BANG BANG BANG*" I shoot AR-15 bullets out of my sword, ala Final Fantasy VIII Gunblade. You're on the dead, ground, and I'm covered in your laugh as I blood. Stupid son of a bitch! You're not even a son of a bitch, you're a son of THE bitch!! Fuck you and your stupid whore of a mother you scoundrel!! Now, if the situation I had just written out was instead about a girl breaking my heart, then that would apply to this album, but instead I had to live out my excessively-violent masturbation fantasies for a moment, but don't let that distract you from the obvious fact that this album is fuckin' GREAT!!

For the first time in their discography up to this point, it feels like New Found Glory really have a strong grip on their signature style, and aren't just making it by with flukes and lucky shots. This album is poppy, punky, and musicy! That to me is so fucking cool, to have musical music. Nearly every song on here is close to being the type of greatness in the pop-punk genre that can only be achieved by a bunch of sweaty young people in a van sustaining off of shitty junk food, off on their way to another day in their tour of playing in people's basements. The catchiness, the riffs, the lyrics, it's all here and ready to make you cry over that girl who laughed at your dick even though you clearly told her beforehand that it was flaccid. Were you lying? Probably, but damn it, I love the feeling of being humiliated by the people I love! When you look at the sharpie marks on my arm (meant to emulate scars, but I'm too much of a pussy to cut myself), just know they're "All About Her", like a song on here! But do I have shame? Fuck nah, this album is gucci shit. You already know.

Also, when I checked the Amazon page for this album, one of the suggested shipping addresses was one I've never entered. I checked my bank account online and no orders were ever placed. It's early October, and while they're a bunch of lovable little rascals, they got me SPOOKED!!

8/10
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Feel free to check out the song previews/buy this album using my Amazon Associate link!