Misfits - Cuts from the Crypt (2001)
I'm hung-over today and I am not a very funny son of a bitch, nor am I really an ecstatic one. This all aside, if you were wondering where they went after "Famous Monsters", you're still gonna have to totally refrain from simply Googling it because this is just a compilation album they put out of demos, bonus tracks, and rare songs. This album also serves as a downwards slope leading into total bastardization of the Misfits name, almost like the calm before the storm, so hey! There's that. I'm going to need to do a line of cocaine before I go any further with this review.
WHOA OH!!!! ALL OF THE DEMOS ON THIS ALBUM ARE SHIT!!! THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHY YOU'D EVER WANT TO HEAR SHITTIER VERSIONS OF GOOD TUNES WHEN THEY HAVE NOTHING NEW TO OFFER, AND ARE JUST POINTLESS FILLERS ON A RELATIVELY POINTLESS ALBUM!!! OMG!!! FUCK THAT!!! WHY WOULD I EVER WANT TO HEAR A SHITTY DEMO VERSION OF "Scream" ANYWAY?! AM I FUCKING STUPID?! NO?! WELL FUCK YOU TOO!! I'M GONNA PRESSURE MY DAD INTO BUYING ME A LAMBO!!
COMING DOWN FROM THE HIgh and now it's gone. Woo! Anyway, yeah those demos are mainly just shitty demos from "American Psycho" with "Scream" from "Famous Monsters" thrown in. Now the thing to tackle is the other songs, and to be quite honest with you, hardly any of these songs feel like actual Misfits songs! Sure, "1,000,000 Years BC" and "Bruiser" do, with the latter of which being particularly cheesy as fuck ("If looks could kill, then "Death" would be my name!") but what's with all of this other shit?! There's a fucking cover of "Monster Mash" on here!! I SHIT YOU NOT!! It marks Jerry Only's first turn at the wheel of being the vocalist for the band, and because of that, you just KNOW it was his idea!! If the cheesier songs on "Famous Monsters" were a bit too campy for Misfits, this is the first nail in their coffin. I have no idea how the band who put out "Earth A.D./Wolfs Blood" could put out a fucking cover of "Monster Mash". Embarrassing and horrifying for all of the wrong reasons.
It doesn't even just end there: "I Wanna be a NY Ranger" has John Cafiero on vocals, and it's literally nothing but a tune for the New York Rangers, a fucking ICE HOCKEY team!! Remember when Glenn Danzig was writing dark shit about killing people, John F. Kennedy getting assassinated, and all that kind of shit? Yeah, looks like you're not going to be getting that again, because now instead of wanting to get into that dark shit (that they STILL perform at concerts), they just want to play happy-go-grab-ass and sing songs about wanting to be members of ice hockey teams, and of course doing the fucking "Monster Mash". No wonder Glenn Danzig didn't want anything to do with the band when they reformed, because they were taking a shit between the tits of what the Misfits actually were. When you couple that with "Devil Doll", a song where Misfits are pretty blatantly trying to be Metallica with some of their guitar riffs, it makes you wonder just how much Glenn Danzig had to do with the actual instrumental portion of their music, especially since Glenn Danzig never suggested they make an awful almost 7 minute long metal song by the name of "Dr. Phibes Rises Again", which, yes, you will find on this album by a band that used to be known for cranking out great punk tunes in 2 minutes or less.
Truth be told, even though they're all mostly cringeworthy songs, they're still mildly catchy enough to keep me from completely hating them, and there's even a few interesting moments on this album to save it from being a complete crapshoot: Their cover of the Stooges' "I Got a Right" is actually pretty good, and despite sounding like an odd Christmas tune, "No More Moments" is catchy enough for what it is, with me particularly liking the cymbals in the chorus, but good GOD that cheesy outro. It seems like all the Misfits can do at this point in their discography is fight their genuinely good tunes with cringeworthy lyrics or sections. What the FUCK happened to this band?!.. And what's going to happen next?! The worst part is that I KNOW the answer to both questions and it ain't pretty.
6/10
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