Misfits - Famous Monsters (1999)

I don't think I've ever seen anything quite as simultaneously God-awful and beautiful as this album cover. It somehow manages to look like a cheesy 1950s horror movie AND also a little bit like a gay porno at the same time. THAT'S a goal for any album cover.

So how's 'bout that Michale Graves, huh? Seems like if you admit you like this album, "American Psycho", or generally any song that they've done with him on vocals, you'll inevitably have some dude immediately crawling up your ass, trying to interrogate you with a million quizzes about "What do you think of the Danzig albums? Do you know who Danzig is? How'd you get into them? What's your favorite album/song?" and the best answer for it is just "Whoa there, buckaroo, I just bought the fuckin' skull shirt and it came with MP3s of that "The Devil's Rain" album. I'm never going to check out anything else they've done because they're gay, and Danzig looks emo as fuck." because this hypothetical scenario I cooked up in my mind (that will likely never actually be executed) is kinda funny! Not exactly "Annoying Orange" quality of human achievement in humor, but then again, what can or will be?

While I'm generally a slut for a good Misfits song or album in the Danzig era, that had absolutely no effect on me loving "American Psycho" for what it was: A bit cheesy, yeah, but it almost felt like an updated "Walk Among Us" at points, making me feel like "Damn, these guys lost Danzig but didn't lose any of the great songs!" even if they were different, and significantly less hardcore, leaning more towards loud and terrorizing heavy metal guitar riffage than anything else. I would've been happy for more of the same, and that being said, I'm happy with this album, but not quite as happy as before. See, when you take "American Psycho", which was, like I said, a leap in difference between any of the Misfits' past work, but still familiar, it still stood up on its own two legs as a pretty kickass album with a slightly corny charm, as if to say "Yeah, we know it's ridiculous, but it's fun, so what?" which, despite being a far cry from Danzig's gruesome and graphic lyrics, was fun, and that's all I really gave a shit about.

Now we get to the follow-up album (they couldn't find another unreleased album with Danzig to crank out, apparently) and people who had been fans for a long while were still wondering "Okay, that last album had some good shit on it, but can they really pull it off?" and the answer is a bit of a mixed bag of Halloween candy, with some songs being the audible equivalent of kickass candy like Mike & Ikes, Twix, the old version of Sour Patch Kids, etc, and then some being good or even just alright, but being like "You gave me Dots? Motherfucking DOTS?" in comparison. The album mostly abandons its loud, heavy metal guitar riffage of the last album for a more raw and punk style that kinda sounds like they had been listening to too much thrash metal at the time, which, despite the album coming out in 1999, makes it almost sound like the album was recorded sometime in the 1980s during the big thrash metal takeover. I can still imagine Glenn Danzig having given this album, instrumentally, a thumbs-up for a good portion of it if he had still been in the band for it, but it's worth noting.

Let me start out by saying that this album has a fair amount of tunes that are worthy of becoming Misfits live staples (I don't really know if any of these have become live staples, mind you), such as the great opening "The Forbidden Zone", the infectiously catchy "Lost in Space", "Dust to Dust", etc, and even sees the band exploring a bit out of their comfort zone at times, with "Scream!" being a cheesy but enjoyable tune, "Saturday Night" being a sad little tune about love and love lost, and even the heavier "Helena" which begs the question "If I cut off your arms and I cut off your legs, would you still love me anyway?... Why don't you love me, anyway?" which 15 year old Kenny thought was BRUTAL, but it's crazy, because for the first time on a Misfits album up to the point, while there had been songs I just felt "eh" about before in the past, there are some songs on here I actively dislike, but I'll get into that after the jump. The point I'm trying to get at is that there are certainly some songs on here worthy of love, just typically done in a thrashier way than before, which, sure, is kinda awkward with the way that Michale Graves sings over them, rarely getting into a more aggressive tone, but as always, he has a fantastic voice that certainly deserves its place right up there by Glenn Danzig's in uniqueness.

See, again I HAVE get into my loving relationship with "American Psycho" by saying it's a great album in vein of "Walk Among Us", so I'm like a broken record with how I repeat myself, but a huge part of why I love that album is because it was one of my (if not THE) first Misfits albums I had, and it really appealed to a 15 year old me. That being said, "Famous Monsters" was another album I had at that age, and it really says a lot that I don't remember much shit in the second half of the album. I'm constantly thinking "What song is th- Oh yeah it's that one. I can see where I forgot about it." except for ONE.. One that spits in the face of Glenn Danzig and makes him turn in his coffin-shaped bed: "Fiend Club". Remember when Glenn Danzig proclaimed "We Are 138" and you had no idea what it meant, but it pumped you up like a high school football chant? WELL NOW YOU GET A FUCKING SONG ABOUT THE FANBASE. "It's just evil all the time.. We are the Fiend Club, not YOU!!" and you're fucking right not me!! It makes me want to vomit into a bag and empty it back into my mouth, because that'll get rid of the God-awful taste of this horrible, shitty, cringeworthy "anthem" for the Hot Topic outcast. If Glenn Danzig didn't sue Jerry Only for slapping the band's logo onto literally anything he could get his hands on, he should've sued him for allowing this piece of shit to happen.

I loved some of the lyrical content on "American Psycho" (I know, why don't I marry the album already? Because I already got my dick stuck in the CD once, you ignorant asshole) because they were fun little throwbacks that sounded like the band took them seriously enough to add a dark edge to them, but on this album, it feels like the band starts to become some kooky bunch of motherfuckers that'd play "Monster Mash" (yes, I know about "Project 1950") at a school dance on Halloween while spraying green and orange Silly String from the rafters onto the teenagers, so here's my best advice to get the most from this album: Go from "Kong at the Gates" to "Scarecrow Man" (but get rid of the cringeworthy intro), add in "Helena" and then "Kong Unleashed" for the ending and you have a pretty solid album for what it is. If you want to be truly disappointed without picking up pretty much any Misfits album after this one, make a compilation of all of the other songs after "Scarecrow Man" and you get an alright-at-best collection of throwaways that shouldn't have been put on an actual album. You'd think at this point in their career they would've realized how to trim the fat off of their own albums, but YA GOTTA PUT MORE SONGS ON SO THERE'S MORE SONGS ON THE BACK, AND THE BUYER FEELS LIKE THEY'RE GETTIN' MORE!! Too bad it's some shitty songs in your stocking this year, jackass!!

Oh yeah and go buy the album from the link or I'll send a BOOGIE GHOULIE after you. See? I can write lyrics for Misfits now, Glenn Danzig be damned.

7/10
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Feel free to check out the song previews/buy this album using my Amazon Associate link!