Midtown - The Sacrifice of Life EP (1999)

At one point in time during my teenage years, I sacrificed my innocence by breaking into a locked car garage with my friend and a homeless man. We broke in because we had just gotten back from a concert where we saw The Maxies, Big D & The Kids Table, Suburban Legends, and Reel Big Fish, to discover our ride was locked in the car garage! Anyway, enough of that. If you want to hear more about that, ask me sometime while I'm drunk as shit and I'll elaborate + repeat every detail a few times.

Lead by bassist/vocalist Gabe Saporta, Midtown is a pop-pu- WAIT, GABE SAPORTA? THE GUY WHO LEAD FLAVOR-OF-THE-MONTH BAND COBRA STARSHIP?? You bet your 5W33T @55!! Somewhere before electronic and Latin music infected his brain into forming Cobra Starship (controversially proclaimed as "Cobra Starshit" by LiveJournal user je_ne_sais_twat in 2009, a move that would cause Cobra Starship much difficulty maintaining a respectable view in the mainstream for years to come), I am told (and then later showed by the audio being injected directly into my eardrums via vibrations in the air) that he had a kinda mediocre pop-punk band! 

Okay, maybe not necessarily mediocre, but if this EP is anything to go off of, moments of "huh, this is pretty good" can be a bit difficult to find. Most people who praise this EP are the same type of people who will tell you about how they listened to it "at least like ten times" while going on a roadtrip with their best friends to another state for a basement show, because not even they have much to say about it! Not the worst pop-punk EP you'll ever hear by a longshot, but I'll be damned if this isn't a case of "you had to be there" in audio form. And by "you had to be there", I mean you had to be sweating in the trenches with your buddies, ready to die at any moment's notice. And by "sweating in the trenches with your buddies, ready to die at any moment's notice" I mean a shitty basement show with only one toilet.

"But Kenny, what about the mild hardcore punk elements in 'Living in Spite' for like 30 seconds?!" You ask me. "Surely you must have something to say about that." You say, allowing your lips to sneak a taste of your tea to your tongue, certain you've caught me backed into a corner. "I ate like five tacos today with a whole bottle of MD 20/20. I don't mean to be rude but just give me a bit, okay?" I ask before politely excusing myself to the bathroom to throw up my miniature Mexican Thanksgiving. "Okay, sorry about that." I say upon returning. "But anyway, it makes me wanna THROW UP!!" I say before putting my finger down my throat to prove a point, because I always take jokes too far, but I end up throwing up blood. It's a shitty night (read: a Monday afternoon) in my mobile home and I want to blame it on Midtown!!

A few catchy moments and near-constant moments of genuine teenage angst save it a bit, but the fact remains: His name may be Gabe Saporta but I don't necessarily SUPPORT-A this EP!! Hoo doggy that was a good'n!! If you didn't laugh, don't REPORT-A me to the authorities!! That would be SHITTY-A!! It didn't rhyme? Did you think Eminem is writing these pop-punk reviews? No, he's too busy pressing "Cancel" on his iPhone every fifteen seconds when a member of D12 calls him!! PICK UP, EM, THEY'RE NOT AS BAD AS YOU REMEMBER!!

6/10
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Feel free to check out the song previews/buy this album using my Amazon Associate link!