blink-182 - Cheshire Cat (1995)

I have a cat that kinda looks like that! His name is Baker. About a year and a half ago, his brother mysteriously died, and Baker became really sick and had a seizure. We've kept him as an inside cat ever since because we keep feeling like "it could be any time" but the little bastard keeps on pushing through and shitting on the carpet like a true American hero. Kitty litter's for pussies.. Literally! Ha-HAAA!! SHIGGY DIGGY DOO!!!

Someone must've asked blink-182 "How the hell am I supposed to annoy my parents with this shit when it's annoying ME?!" and caused the beloved trio into checking themselves into a bomb shelter for a month with nothing but junk food, soda, and porn VHS tapes before coming back into the daylight (which according to the sources I made up, drummer Scott Raynor was reported saying it felt like "A fucking microwave. Have you ever seen one of those? Fucking brujeria.") and recorded their debut studio album.

Oh boy oh boy, did they step it up! This is the first album in Blink's discography I can actually leave on repeat, because I'd be a damned liar if I said the album didn't make me want to start my own shitty pop-punk band. I mean, come on, "M+M's" is a damn catchy little tune on guitar, even if on the song (and others on the album) have bassist/vocalist Mark Hoppus feeling a bit vocally restrained. Bassist/vocalist Mark Hoppus remarks on the aforementioned track "My love life was getting so bland, there are only so many ways I can make love with my hand" but obviously he hasn't discovered Tabasco! My friend told me it feels like having sex with a girl with Gonorrhea and if I actually ever succeed in having sex with my cousin, I'll be able to confirm it one way or another. Shout out to Bing (-182) search engine for allowing me to search for the correct spelling of "Gonorrhea" without showing me any pictures of it!


Modern-day teenagers I awkwardly hang around with on the internet may find it hard to believe, but believe it or not, despite me being a 21 year old man, I was a teenage boy once! And the entire experience of it was SHITTY!! That being said, the track "Wasting Time" may just be the absolute end-all-be-all track to perfectly describe what it's like to be in the mind of a teenage boy for a day, minus the porn and making fun of shitty deathcore covers of pop songs on YouTube, because this album came out before the internet was a huge thing, and is basically prehistoric when you think about it. Who even KNOWS what people did before the internet.

To whoever reads this, all two of you, I was a DAMNED FOOLISH FOOL for saying the track "T.V." on "Buddha" should've been re-recorded for a future release, because it turns out it's on here and way better than the version on "Buddha"! I guess that's one less thing that album has going for it, and one more shot at my overall credibility as a writer. Don't tell Rolling Stone or I might not get a job there! Or shit, DO tell them since they have a fetish for publishing mistakes. That and advertising terrorists (Dzhokhar Tsarnaev of the infamous Boston Bombers duo) on their front covers. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, these Blink bastards.

These Blink bastards have really honed their skills since their previous demos and it shows. The songs are catchier, hit harder, and hold up much better and stronger as an overall product than before, potty humor about shitting yourself in public and all. There's a little bit of everything here for all types of blink-182 fans, ranging from the more high-paced material, the slower and more emotional songs, and like I said, potty humor. If you're a blink-182 fan and haven't checked this album out, of them arguably at their most immature, you're missing out.

I mean, just look at me: They taught me how to throw the dick down the stairs with the utmost confidence and I can't even drive without having an anxiety attack. That really says something, but I hope it says more about this album than it does my crippling self-doubt!! I'M TRYING, DAD!!!

7/10
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Feel free to check out the song previews/buy this album using my Amazon Associate link!