Cattle Decapitation - Human Jerky (1999)

The funny thing about the title is that it tastes JUST like regular jerky. I don't want to say anything further out of fear of being incriminated for something I ate at a summer church camp in 2007 on a dare.

Sometime after hit Gospel album "Ten Torments of the Damned" (as my sources tell me) vocalist Scott Miller left the band by finally breaking free of his chains on the wall, vowing to save his testicles from the boiling water torture, and screamed "STOP FUCKING CALLING ME MOTT SCILLER" before the rest of the band shot him fifteen times in the head. They then abducted new vocalist Travis Ryan from a parking lot of a nearby all-boys Catholic school they had been scoping out, who joined them under the guise of "yeah, we sound like R.E.M." and then proceeded to slice his throat open, for the sole purpose of recording any and all noises that came out when he'd try to sing. He's actually singing old Tears for Fears tunes throughout this entire album, but they did such a good job mutilating him that you have no idea!

No seriously, there are so many weird and vicious noises that come out of Travis Ryan's gaping jaw of death! He doesn't sound human, he sounds like a monster!! A monster that wants to know if you have a minute to talk about ANIMAL CRUELTY!!! That all being said, yep, it's a grindcore album, or rather, pardon me: DEATHGRIND! DEATH METAL -AND- GRINDCORE! SHOVE THAT UP YOUR ASS AND SHIT IT BACK OUT AND LET ME RECORD IT FOR VOCALS ON -MY- DEATHGRIND ALBUM!!

At just short of 13 minutes, this EP is done and gone before you even realize it, because of its short length and all of these songs sounding the same. It's interesting to hear, but not very enjoyable. Oh well, Cattle Decapitation can't have a perfect 10/10 hot billboard singles run throughout their entire career I guess.

5/10
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Feel free to check out/buy the album via my Amazon Associates link!