Faith No Man - Quiet in Heaven/Song of Liberty (1983)

Normally I don't review singles, but considering that this was such a different era of Faith No More (before they changed to their name as such) and never ended up on an album, so I figured "Why not review it?" and had to struggle internally with myself for two hours before finally putting down the gun and surrendering to the police.

Before Faith No More were the legends they were and still continue to be, they went by the name Faith No Man, and damn, these guys were angsty and listened to The Cure and Public Image Ltd. too much. TOO DAMN MUCH! They were also fronted by vocalist Mike Morris who sounds like if Jello Biafra could even somewhat hold a tune. Oh well, onto our trip down post-punk memory lane with the what-ifs and the never-happeneds!

"Quiet in Heaven" is a pretty standard post-punk tune but something about it sounds eerily off thanks to Wade Worthington's keyboard playing. It's catchy enough, and is probably the stereotypical post-punk song, but it serves its purpose. There's slight distortion when it kicks into the little guitar jam towards the end, but much like most of Faith No More's discography, bassist Billy Gould holds it down well by himself. He could hold ME down if you know what I mean!! GET IT?! I'M MAKING AN ORAL SEX JOKE REFERRING TO BILLY GOULD'S PENIS IN -MY- MOUTH!! Ah, they can't all be zingers I guess. I'm never gonna get a Comedy Central half-hour special at this point and may even have to move back in with my dad!! Be sure to click "like", "subscribe" and even comment for more oral sex jokes in the future.

"Song of Liberty" starts with a nice little bass groove by bassist Billy Gould and then proceeds to be pretty much just another standard post-punk song without the ability to stand on its own two legs had it not been accompanied by "Quiet in Heaven" right before it. Damn shame!

Check this out if you're a Faith No More fan who wants to be double-penetrated by Chuck Mosley and Mike Patton. Can't really recommend this if you're just a post-punk fan because it's not that great, despite being catchy, and I'm generally afraid of most post-punk fans. Do post-punk fans have catchphrases like "DEFEND POST-PUNK / EAT CIGARETTE BUTTS OFF OF PARK BENCHES"? I once heard a lady from the church I used to go to as a child say that she was teaching her children to say "Heinie" instead of "Butt" because she didn't want them to ever confuse something with a cigarette butt. That doesn't make sense and just showed how she KNEW her children were going to be complete dumbasses like she was and maybe still is. I don't know. Maybe she can teach me the difference between a "Joint" like in my body and a "Joint" like marijuana. I don't know, maybe my lack of intelligence would be too underwhelming for her.. Almost as underwhelming as these songs!

6/10