Hollywood Undead - Swan Songs Rarities EP (2010)
There's three songs on this EP and who even knows how much they charged for it when it came out, but these are all songs that were released on their MySpace years prior to "Swan Songs" so I have absolutely no fucking idea why they would call them rarities off of said album, unless they were just trying to milk their fanbase's pennies, which, if you haven't the knowledge, that's what I've been told -most- vaginas taste like: Milky pennies. I can only imagine that penises taste like dry and slightly sour hot dogs, or maybe I just need to take better care of myself.
I'm gonna be honest with you: I have nostalgia for all three of the songs on this EP but I'm not gonna let that cloud my vision too much. Sure, it might get a little steamy in here, especially when these songs inevitably give you PTSD flashbacks of trying to un-fuck your computer before your dad gets home after trying to download Tila_Tequila_Nude_No_Shirt.exe from LimeWire, but I'll try to keep my wits about me as we travel through the urban jungle that is Hot Topic circa 2010, which was (I haven't been in one for years) a complete cesspool of quirky teenagers trying to acquire as many shirts with ironed-on memes as possible.
"Bitches" is probably the best of the trio with a catchy chorus that you probably slammed onto your MySpace back in the day when your username was filled to the brim with alt-codes. It's misogynistic as all hell (surprise) and I have a fond but embarrassing memory of being in the car with a girl that my friend was pseudo-dating behind his girlfriend's back (?!) which I normally have nothing to do with, but it was his birthday and I just kinda had to be there. She turned on "Bitches" and said "It's so misogynistic but I love it" while laughing, and I felt awkward because what the fuck else was I supposed to feel. Anyway, she kept on splitting off from us to go talk to her ex-boyfriend on the phone in the bathroom, and she kept asking "Is it safe for pregnant women to get high?" despite claiming that neither she or her roommate were pregnant. I never saw or heard from her again after that night, but I wonder how she's doing now, with that BABY SHE LIED ABOUT.
"The Kids" was the first song Hollywood Undead ever recorded when they were just Deuce and J-Dog and this song is a piece of shit, but kind of an endearing piece of shit. It just sounds so "It's 2005 and we recorded this on a shitty demo copy of FL Studio" because that's probably exactly what it was. Also, Deuce says "niggas" in this song, which is sung in a very whiny "I just heard Justin Timberlake for the first time" white-boy voice, and I think that is hilarious because sometimes I do find relatively unfunny things to be particularly humorous because I'm trying to compensate for the immense depression I feel every day in my monotonous and miserable life.
That last part is perfectly complimented by the last song on this EP, "Circles", which is pretty much the most pseudo-deep emo song this band has ever done, and just like the song before it, is pretty much just trash, but trash with a certain charm for it. Maybe it's nostalgia, maybe it's the Xanax, maybe it's even sleep deprivation, but I feel lukewarm about it and I guess that's the best I can say about it, other than that it also brought some hilarious as shit covers of it to YouTube. This is truly a song that you send to your first ex-girlfriend right after breaking up, and then cringe severely at years later.
If I didn't have nostalgia for it, I'd say this EP is pretty much disposable, and I might even be able to say that now, but there's a certain level of "Shit, I was 15 and really loved this shit when it came out" that I used to really vibe to back in the day, along with everything else they had released up to that point, so I can't really hate on it as much as I want to or as much as you probably will.
ALSO WHY DID SHE KEEP LYING ABOUT BEING PREGNANT?! IT WAS INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS FROM ALL OF THE SHIT SHE WAS SAYING!! WE WENT TO A BATTLES CONCERT TOGETHER THAT NIGHT, AND YOU CAN'T EVEN GIVE ME THAT?! UGH I'M GLAD MY FRIEND STOPPED CHEATING ON HIS GIRLFRIEND WITH YOU BECAUSE U SUXX!!!
6/10
