Hollywood Undead - Desperate Measures (2009)

I have a weird glitch-in-the-matrix experience concerning this album: I SWEAR TO GOD in 2007 or 2008 that a female friend showed me this album. I cut off contact with her during 2008 and this album came out in November of 2009. What the hell?! Also she was pretty cool back then (by 14 year old Kenny's definition of "cool") but now she's a bitchy Bible-thumper. Shame on you [name redacted]

Okay so we've got a weird kinda thing going on here: Three new studio tracks, three cover songs (?!), a remix, and 6-8 (if you have the two bonus tracks) live tracks so I'm kind of at a loss on how to tag this other than to take random stabs in the dark like my uncle on LSD trying to kill his wife in an abandoned house. That didn't even happen. The internet is a magical place for lying!! IT'S A SUPERPOWER WE ALL POSSESS!!

Okay so the three studio tracks are pretty cool. "Dove and Grenade" is fighting with "Swan Songs" intro track "Undead" for being the anthem for the band, but shit... The instrumental is literally just Puscifer's "The Undertaker (Danny Lohner remix)"!! I guess that's fine but W/E dawg. "Tear It Up" is another club song with rapid hi-hats in the background that sound like a water sprinkler. "El Urgencia" is prolly the best of the trio because it's another Charlie Scene / Funny Man song and those always wet the whistle, and J-Dog sings the silky-smooth chorus! Good shit.

Now the cover songs have me straight-up fucking confused. There's a cover of "Shout at the Devil" by Mötley Crüe and a cover of "Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin that leave me thinking "WHY?!" because HU SOUNDS ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOTHING LIKE THESE BANDS and they suck at covering them! I don't even like the originals but fuck, man, it's just so awkward to hear them try to pseudo-rap the verses when they'd be damn near infinitely better off covering the Beastie Boys or something, but there's one pretty surprising cover that's pretty decent: "Bad Town" by Operation Ivy! A FUCKING SKA-PUNK COVER!.. And it's actually pretty good! It's a good tribute to the original where the rapped verses don't feel weird, if a bit awkward in concept.

Now we get to the one remix of "Everywhere I Go (Castle Renholdër Mix)" which is completely forgettable, and all of the live tracks. The live tracks are pretty cool at times, with J-Dog performing his full uncensored verse of "Undead", the more guitar-based "Everywhere I Go" with guitar licks replacing the piano, and the hype "No. 5" for the ending of the concert, but still aren't exactly the greatest shits to ever have been shitted out of a shitting asshole, especially when you hear just how weak chorus-singer Deuce is live, relying heavily on backing tracks. That dude sounds slick and catchy as hell in the studio but like he's singing out of his nose live.

Now THAT'S the name for an album! "Greatest Shits"! I just came up with that and now Google is telling me that D.O.A. already did that in 2005? Well fuck those time-traveling bastards then.

6/10 ________________________________________________________
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