Metallica - Ride the Lightning (1984)
I also have something else to admit to you and I'm just gonna be honest with you: I've never really been a Metallica fan outside of "Whiplash" and "One" and only really reviewed their first album "Kill 'Em All" to try to see what the big hubbub (the fuckin' HUBBUB!!) was about them, if anything to see what people really liked, and while I didn't find much I liked, I respected it. I popped "Ride the Lightning" in (and by that, I meant I clicked it in my iTunes collection) expecting some more "LET'S ROCK N ROLL" dumbass shit that "Kill 'Em All" presented, fully expecting to be completely indifferent about it, but I can't lie to you, this album kicks a fair bit of ass!! Not the biggest ass in the world but still!!
The beginning track, "Fight Fire With Fire" begins with an acoustic guitar as if to totally just grab your throbbing hot erect COCK and jerk it a bit, like "haha u don't get to cum..." but then BAMBAMBAM THE BAND KICKS IN AND THE PRODUCTION ON THIS ALBUM HAS A LOT MORE LOW-END THAN THE PREVIOUS ALBUM!! This album sounds impressive given that it came out in 1984, that's actually really astonishing because aside from a minor production issue (IS THERE A BASS-DRUM TO EVEN BE FOUND?!), this album still sounds pretty good. I was actually surprised as shit when the song fully kicked in because I was expecting it to be some awful-sounding shit like the previous album, but nope, THEY'RE ACTUALLY USING THE BASSIST FOR MORE THAN A FLASHY SOLO NOW!! Just listen to the beginning of "For Whom the Bell Tolls", you hear that higher-pitched guitar? THAT'S HIS BASS! And then he goes into the low-low bass right after!! My God, that was some crazy shit. I need to pop a Xanax or two.
AND I'M BACK!! And so is James Hetfield's slightly awkward vocal style, so I still have to try to tune it out sometimes, but y'know what?! It's better than it was on the last album and he isn't fucking singing about rockin' and rollin' anymore so that's kinda alright with me! Hell, he even sings about suicide on the calmer (but still not quite calm) "Fade to Black" so that's a big step-up from just songs about rock & roll and banging your head, plus it has an acoustic guitar so if you were a teenager in the 80s, this is probably the track that your dad was most likely to call "real music", but if you were a teenager in the 80s, you're probably like 80 years old now and have to hold something on the wall while you piss, you fuckin' grandpa, and I mean that as in "you are a fucking grandpa", not what those blink-182 bastards would hope.
Sure, the album is definitely not without its blemishes, given that "Escape" is a pretty weird song to put on the album and it's awkward with its "SHOVE ME ON THE RADIO" musical nature, and the ending track "The Call of Ktulu" is a nearly nine minute instrumental that gets pretty boring, but on the tracklisting (given that it's 8 tracks long) you're still given 6 other tracks that range from "good" to "holy shit", and really, on a track list that short/long, it's alright, innit? This album is just genuinely impressive on an instrumental and production level for 1984, if you ignore that bass-drums exist and aren't just a Greek legend, and really sticks out like a sore thumb in Metallica's discography because THEY STABBED THAT SHIT! IT'S BLEEDING!! AND THAT'S METAL!!!
I still don't think it's some flawless, incredible album that a lot of people hold it up to be, but I totally get why people dig it. I can't wait to hear when this band went downhill fast!! God, am I in for some shit..
7/10
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Feel free to check out the song previews/buy this album using my Amazon Associate link!
