Misfits - Earth A.D./Wolfs Blood (1983)
This album sees these royally rambunctious rascals saying "That last album? "Walk Among Us"? NOT HARDCORE ENOUGH." and playing shit faster than ever before! The album has a distinct unpolished feel to it where you wonder "Is that really the best vocal take they could've used?" on nearly every song, not due to bad vocal performance by vocalist Glenn Danzig, but because of him occasionally losing his breath, stumbling over his words, or whatever else. In that regard, this might as well be a live album vocally because I doubt much editing was done to the vocal tracks aside from the occasional backing vocals.
And wouldn't you know it: What those vocals are doing is mostly just yelling about being evil and all that good shit! You know how it goes: You're young, you jerk off to idea to pissing off your parents, you're angry as hell, and you want everyone to know it. The only difference between you and your high school friends is that these beloved punks actually recorded material of some substance and probably ended up seeing a vagina in real life because of it.
The chorus of the opening track "Earth A.D." will have you yelling along with a chorus you don't even understand because it's hectic and you don't want to be left out like being the one flaccid guy at a cocaine orgy, "Death Comes Ripping" will come ripping into your Google search history as "Death Comes Ripping guitar chords", and "Wolfs Blood" will make you want to start up your own punk band just to cover it. I can personally confirm all three! If you're me, you'll definitely have had those reactions to those songs in the past, and if you're not me, oh well, you're probably better off anyway.
Of course, not all that glitters is gold (a poetic quote attributed to that guy who looks like Guy Fieri in Smash Mouth. Did you know they kept their bassist after a video surfaced on the internet of him beating his wife? Now ain't THAT the all star life!!), because everything's a shittily-produced mess of yelling, fast but simple punk beats on the drums, and fast, roaring distorted guitar riffs that sound like they were turned up to 11, adding additional unintentional distortion to them in the process, and it somehow just doesn't take away anything from the album, oddly enough, but doesn't exactly add anything either. That being said, it's a damn good way to kill 21 minutes, but you'd probably end up killing 21 orphans during it, and because you're such a sick, dark-minded shithead, you thought I meant orphan CHILDREN but I meant orphan ADULTS, you sick bastard. Go to church this Sunday, but blare this as you arrive in the parking lot mid-service. They'll like it, I promise.
At the very least, you can pick up a vinyl copy of this so you can throw it like a frisbee at Jerry Only fans while yelling "UR A MISBITCH!!" because you can't accept change. However, I can.. I just can't accept a fucking Misfits Christmas EP and fuck our government for actually allowing it outside of Guantanamo Bay, but I'm not even sure I'd wish that on them, because what if you had a penpal there that you fell in love with and nicknamed your Guantanamo Bae? Cruel and unusual punishment for my sweet mass-murderer.
9/10
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