Midtown - Save the World, Lose the Girl (2000)
So I was playing Splinter Cell: Double Agent and thinking about how fucked up Star Wars is, right? Them blowing up the Death Star in Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, thinking about all of the innocent workers that must've been on board that were killed.. And then I realized I was Kevin Smith! "Holy shit!" I exclaimed upon the realization, and then I made a mental note to NOT make Jersey Girl, and then you can figure out how that one turned out. If Kevin Smith himself couldn't prevent Jersey Girl, what could? It made me realize I couldn't save the world by losing the Jersey Girl because my best attempts are futile.
So how's 'bout that Midtown, eh?? Two tracks from the previous EP "The Sacrifice of Life" are re-recorded here and sound a lot better, like they were missin' a little somethin' somethin'. "Recluse" reminded me of "Mood Rings" by Relient K at first but then went all HXC for a quick pseudo-breakdown and knocked me right outta my booties! I had to eat like three Jack's Links Teriyaki Beef Steak flavored beef jerky to replenish my energy! And no, they're not paying me to say that. Mike Hererra of MxPx fame also isn't paying me to slander Gabe Saporta's name with accusations of "bitin' my style" on the vocal delivery of several tracks, but arguably most prominently on "Such a Person". One of those is true, but I'll leave that up to you to try to figure out.
It still kinda feels like there was an inside joke I wasn't told about at times, or rather, a "You had to be there" type of thing, but there are some good songs on here! The re-recorded version of "Direction" is pretty good, "Let Go" is a good'n, and the dramatic "No Place Feels Like Home" is a welcomed change of pace from the usual "Let's play Super Smash Bros. Melee and talk about girls" vibe from the other songs. Wouldn't mind covering this with the 90s emo styled band I'll inevitably start in Chicago in my mid-20s.
So yeah, the songs still aren't too great, but they're a step in the right direction, which is all I'm asking for, along with an early painless death, and dammit, I'm at least getting one of those, because Jack's Links Teriyaki Beef Steak flavored beef jerky has been shown to increase the lifespan and quality of said lifespan by a solid 50% if eaten daily! Holy shit!! These are MIRACLE STICKS OF MAGICAL BEEF!! Now THAT'S six inches of meat I don't mind in my mouth after a long night of drunk-dialing the CraigsList Personals section!!
Writing product placement is a real strain, and it's even more torturous when you have to shove in as many product placements as possible, so I can only imagine that reading it is as well. Feeling winded from reading this review? Buy Jack's Links Teriyaki Beef Steak flavored beef jerky at YOUR local convenience store today! Tell 'em Kenny sent ya, unless you're ready to "put a bitch's face up against the glass" because that'd totally fuck up my chances of the cashier selling me multiple DXM products at one time, and you don't wanna do that to me, do ya? Eat a Jack's Links Teriyaki Beef Steak flavored beef jerky stick NOW and think it over!! That's some real food for thought!!
Everything in my life is about drugs.
7/10
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