R.A. the Rugged Man - Die, Rugged Man, Die (2004)

R.A. standing in the middle of a shooting range reminds me of me after I'd get caught stealing nuclear blueprints and the president was pretty disappointed with me. He was a pretty cool guy about it (i.e. "You don't need to know about that stuff, champ! Here's a nickel for an ice cream!") but I was just sad I disappointed the president, who is like.. The dad of America, when you really think about it. You thought he was gonna execute me because you're a HATER and all of these haters are just rebellious teenagers going through a phase in their 40s!! Or something, I don't know, but Fox News rulezzz!!!

First off, WHY is there a skit on this album of R.A. the Rugged Man seemingly getting a blowjob? If you were looking for one album to get by this lyrical spiritual miracle, and were hoping to hear what he sounds like when close to ejaculation, HERE'S YOUR ALBUM! Thankfully, the rest of the album is pretty decent! Sure, R.A. is a bit of a drunk uncle at Thanksgiving with his constant "I COULDA BEEN FAMOUS, BUT FUCK THAT" speeches, similar to boasts of "I COULD'VE JOINED THE NFL BACK IN MY COLLEGE DAYS BUT NAH I DIDN'T WANT TO" except R.A. eventually calms down without your dad needing to tackle him on the front lawn.

R.A. still runs into the problem of having some lackluster beats, but some, such as "Black and White (Feat. Timbo King)", "Casanova (Fly Guy)", and "Chains (Feat. Killah Priest & Masta Killa)" all have a good swing to them that R.A. and friends do justice on, but trust me, if you're a masochist, there are still some corny-ass beats scattered on this shit that thankfully, once again, R.A. mostly distracts the listener from the mediocrity of said beats. Here's a good suggestion: WHY NOT LEAVE THEM OFF OF THE ALBUM?! This album is 51 minutes long, it could afford to have a bit of time shaved off of its hairy, blistered back!! More bang for your buck?! More like more CANG for the CUCK! "Cang" apparently means "Port" in Vietnamese, so it's just another port for silly cuckolds to use to fuck up their marriages with!! Okay, it's not really that bad, but who were you expecting my writing ability to be comparable to? The authors at Cracked? I'll let you know when I do an article on "6 Things I Learned as a [insert shit I'm lying about]" because then we'll be one and the same.

7/10
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Feel free to check out the song previews/buy this album using my Amazon Associate link!